Top Ten Computer Related Phobias for the Nineties

1. GIphobia - fear of d/ling a graphic with a "hot" sounding filename that turns out to be a naked picture of a gender you're not attracted to.
2. FBIphobia - fear that the lamer with the C64 who's been bugging your board is really Carlos the terrorist and intelligence agencies think you've been offering him a safe haven.
3. Sexiphobia - fear that the SX machine you just bought will be obsolete before you can drive home with it.
4. Happybirthdaytoyouphobia - fear that your hard drive will at any moment burst into song.
5. Nochoicephobia - fear of recursive DEL C:\*.* Are you sure? (Y/y)
6. Orphaniphobia - fear that you might have just bought a computer from Radio Shack.
7. Justicehurtsphobia (pronounced "just desserts") - fear some men have that whenever they log onto a system women on other nodes will force them into on-line chats and talk smutty to them.
8. BadREPphobia - the fear that people will think you are "loose" because you will cheerfully send messages to anyone and everyone.
9. NoQWKphobia - the fear that the only message you'll find at log-on will be "there are no new messages for you in this or any conference, nor is there likely to be in the near future so don't waste your time calling back in a hurry."
10. Divorceophobia - fear that when your spouse says, "I'm not kidding, honey, you gotta make a choice - either that machine goes or I do!" you will inadvertently hesitate that fatal half second before responding.