Jokes

A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge guy standing next to him. The big guy looks down upon the small white guy and says, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown."

The small guy faints!

The big guy picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong?"

The small guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?".

The big guy looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says "Thank God, I thought you said, "Turn around."

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.

The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli. Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife,"Mary rub this fork around in your secret place before I take it to the blind man."

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back.

As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of some American Indians. After a tour of the reservation, she asked why the difference in the number of feathers in the headress. She asked a brave who had only one feather in his headress. His reply was, "Me have only one squaw so me only have one feather." She asked another brave, feeling the first fellow was putting her on.

This brave had four feathers. He replied. "Me have four feathers, because me sleep with four squaws." Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated the number of of mates involved, she decided to interview the chief. Now the chief had a full headress, full of feathers. Needless to say, this intrigued Ms. Walters. She asked the chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headress?" The chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "Me chief, me fuck-em all."

Horrified, Ms. Walters said,"You ought to be hung!"

The chief replied,"Damn right, me hung like buffalo."

Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have to be so damn hostile!"

The chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, hog-style, wolf-style, any-style. Me fuck-em all!"

Tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh dear!"

The chief said, "no dear... me fuck no deer, assholes too high and the fuckers run too fast. No fuck-em deer."

Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.

Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.

Q: Why did the U.S. Army send so many premenstrual women to the Gulf?
A: Because they fought like animals and retained water for four days.

Q: What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A: A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.

Q: Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
A: Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

Q: What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q: Why doesn't Barbie get pregnant?
A: Because Ken comes in a different box.

Q. What's the difference between "Ooooh!" and "Aaahhhh!"?
A. About four inches.

Q. What's the difference between love, True Love and SHOWING OFF?
A. Spit, Swallow and GARGLE!